Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Finding Myself…Yet Again


364- the number of days since I had an actual job.

I guess you could say I was naïve, to think that nothing would actually happen to me, I could never get fired. No way. I may not like this job, but I get all my work done, so they couldn’t fire me. I may show up a bit late because essentially I have nothing to do, but I always stay a bit late, so I can’t get fired. I may be looking for another job opportunity, but there’s no way I’d be without a job.

That’s exactly how I thought, until May 2nd, 2014, when I walked into work and was laid-off on the spot 10 minutes later. I wasn’t that shocked when it happened, I felt something coming I just couldn’t put my finger on when it was going to happen.

At first, not having a job was rather fun- hey, I get the summer off, I get unemployment, plenty of time to find another job, this is great!

Cut to today, unemployment is gone, money is dwindling by the day, I still don’t have a job and I’m starting to fall apart from the inside out. Like the Friends theme song, we’ve all had those days, weeks, months and even some years, but living in the same bubble everyday without a chance of it bursting really takes a toll on everyday life.

Image via

Stuck in a bad cycle of job searching, not enough experience in a certain area, needing x amount of years of work related knowledge, and rejections letters, it’s been challenging trying to get out of this rut and look on the positive side of the world. The worst part about being in this cycle of rejection is how I feel when I’m running in circles, the feeling like I can’t do anything right, the feeling of will I ever feel good again, and the worst feeling of not wanting to do anything else because in my mind, “I don’t have a job, so I can’t do anything else until I have a job in place”.

Hence the main reason I’ve been silent in my little blog world for so long. I loved going to networking events and meeting new people and exploring about new opportunities. However, it was getting embarrassing telling people I didn’t have a job, that I was looking, that basically I’ll do anything for a job, and the conversation ends, mostly by me since I really don’t have anything more to say. I used to be able to talk to anyone, feel confident about what I was saying and more importantly, feel confident about what I was writing about.

Also, going to these events kept making me think about what other people would do if they had this much time off- would they find a job quickly, would they create their own blogging empire or create new alliances for a new opportunity, or would they sit and worry everyday about what will happen next, like me? 

Around the same time I was getting my last paycheck, a little cat named Sara was being dropped off at the animal shelter, as her owner could no longer take care of her. What usually is a quick stay at the shelter before being adopted, for Sara, the shelter has been home for the past year. 

Being dubbed “Sassy Sara”, Sara had been very difficult to deal with; she swatted at every chance she had, growled at anyone who gave her the time of day and hissed when you gave her food. Sara wasn’t what you would call “adoption material”, she wasn’t the cutest, she wasn’t the most affectionate and for that, Sara’s been passed over many times. It's not that she didn't want a forever home, it was that she was scared about what may happen next. 
Sara The Cat
I admit Sara made me a bit hesitant whenever I tried to go near her cage and feed her or change her litter. I usually stayed away from her, but so didn’t everyone else. One morning, I decided to spend some time with her; she wasn’t exactly excited over the idea of someone invading her personal space, but she seemed content with me visiting her. It took some time, and some swatting, to get into her little circle of trust, but we managed to start a relationship where I come to visit her and give her some much-needed attention, and in return, I’m rewarded with head-butts, purring and hand nudges for more petting (something she would never do just a few months ago).

Why am I telling you about Sara? Because she’s still at the shelter looking for her forever home, (and as much as I’d love to adopt her, she and Topanga would never get along), as I’m still waiting by the computer waiting for my career. She may not have a voice, but Sara speaks loud and clear that she wants a home and I’m speaking out loud and clear that I want a career…and my life back.

Recently, I was able to find a part-time job as a hostess, not the most glamorous job, but something to get myself back on track and getting the willpower to get to where I want to be and where I want to go. 

I think I can honestly say, I’m getting close to being back to my little blogging world, I’m feeling confident to get back out there, tell my story to others and find that career. If I can find my career, Sara can find her home and that’s exactly what I plan on doing, helping her, helping me.

And when I start to feel down and just want to quit, I think of this quote by none other than Joe Dirt.

"No man, you gotta keep going. What am I gonna do, quit? That's not an option. You gotta keep on keepin on. Life's a garden, dig it and you make it work for you. You never give up man, that's my philosophy."     – Joe Dirt

 Me and Sara got this, let the journey of our new lives being, will you be joining us?

                                                             photo bean-sig_zps47e75846.png


  1. *huge hug*

    I've been through a year long job search after being laid off in the past, and it sucked.

    Are you still looking for a marketing position? Come join me at Boston Women Communicators Summer Social in July & I'll introduce you to lots of wonderful women working in the Communications fields.

    I hope you find a job & Sara finds a forever home - both soon!

    1. Thanks so much! It actually felt really good to write all this down.

      At this point, I usually tell people, "I'll take anything", but I think I want to look at small tech cmpanies or anything intersting?! I feel like at this point, social media marketing is getting overerly saturated and unless you have a specic degree or have that "right person to know" it's not really worth it.

      I'd really lke to attend the BWC event, think it would help a lot!

  2. Glad to hear the good news that Sara the cat was adopted! https://www.facebook.com/mary.mazzulli/videos/10205848229461433/

    See you tonight at BWC!